The Way I Fell In

Sometimes you just get to one point where you just leave everything the way it is, not trying to make it better or worse and I think I just arrived at that state right now. I don't know what I want, I don't know where my life is leading me and I don't know where do I lead my life, I don't know what I want in my life. I'm not sure if I just have to go on and find another job or I'll just further my study. Nothing makes me happy again, everything is ruined and everything makes me tired. Everything makes me feel sick. I can't decide what's the best for me, I don't know what I want. I can't just rely on other people to think of what's the best for me. I'm in the shittiest state of myself nowadays I don't even wanna go out and meet people. I think everything in my life is going down, my self-confidence everything is falling apart. I just... I just don't know how to start over. It seems like everyone else in my life is getting better from day to day and I'm just here standing still. Even peoples from my past have moved on. I have no talents, I can't do anything right, everything about me is so lame. I just... I really just wanna let this all out because I don't have anyone specific to talk about all this shit. This is what I've been feeling these few days.

I am so tired of everything.

The Top

I think I should make this list sooner or later so here it is! My Top 4 before-the-90s Albums (I think this could be my top 4 albums of my life too)

1. Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures (1979)

This album is just so perfect. The content of this album is so dark and gloomy, the songs are full of dark emotions and I can feel it go straight to my heart. I honestly say that I can't really handle some of Joy Division's songs especially the ones in the album "Closer" because they're just too good to be true. By far, this is probably the most powerful music album that ever been made in the music industry. Furthermore, the album art is quite impressive too. (psst, I have a t-shirt with the imprints of the album art on it!)


2. The Cure - Disintegration (1989)

Yes yes, this is one of the finest album ever made by my favourite band of all time The Cure. Most Cure surveys I found on the net voted for Disintegration as the best Cure album. In fact, a track from Disintegration which shares the same title with the album made me fell in love with The Cure. The first moment I listen to the song I just, I feel like my heart and my soul and mind and body exploded and dissolved together with the music! Lol I really can't explain it properly with words, it sounds so weird. This is definitely a must-have album for all music lovers out there, don't miss this out!


3. Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon (1973)

I don't think I should explain much about this album, everybody KNOWS how awesome it is. This album, I can safely say, it is a cheaper and safer alternative for weeds. You don't need weeds to get high, you only need Dark Side Of The Moon! No seriously, no bluffs. When I first listen to Breathe I feel so weightless and my mind feels so relaxed. Give it a listen if you want to experience it yourself (here's a hint: start with Speak To Me/Breathe)


4. Santana - Santana (1969)

Who could ever forgot this masterpiece over here? Performed by six hippie boys back in the days and it's just so perfect for me when I'm in my "hippies" mode. Yea really, sometimes I just feel like hanging out in my room with bandanna on my head listening to this album. I still remember the first time I saw their live video performing Soul Sacrifice at Woodstock and it just blew me away! I read somewhere that during the music festival Carlos Santana is too high that he thought his guitar was a snake so he have to hold it tight or the "snake" will harm him. But nevertheless, that song is the one song that ever made me feel sorry for myself that I'm not a part of the 60's. What a shame! And the artwork is awesome too, I've printed one and put it in my bedroom as a poster.

First Week of 2012

Wow I can't believe 2011 is finally over. That year brings so much happiness to me compared to the year before. 2011 is the year I've done with my diploma (with flying colours!), the year I discovered my enthusiasm for The Cure's music instead of listening to their music the whole years just like any other music I would, the year I got job and made my own money for the first time, and also the year that I'm completely free from any "commitments" (you know what I'm talking about). So long story short, 2011 is a good year for me. 

Now we've entered 2012 and all we can do is to reminisce the good past and improve ourselves. As for me, I have a good start with this year. When I was browsing my old songs stacked in my hard drive, I came across this one band whose songs used to sooth me when I'm filled with negative feelings. This one band which I (used to) don't even recognize the faces behind those mystic, ethereal music. This one band called Sigur Rós.

 

Believe me or not I just saw their faces all together for the first time a few days ago though I've been listening to them for the past few years. So here's a little intro about the band: Sigur Rós is a post-rock Icelandic band consisted of Jónsi Birgisson, Georg Goggi Hólm, Kjarri Sveinsson and Orri Páll Dýrason. They are known for their out-of-this-world music and the soothing, beautiful falsetto voice of the vocalist, Jónsi. I don't mind if my opinion counts or not but I think this band is creative and unique and all their music is just... no words can be formed perfectly to describe how beautiful their music is. Eventhough I don't understand most of their songs because it is either sang in Icelandic or gibberish (which the media labelled as Hopelandic) but they never fail to amaze me. I'm just so happy that I have the chance to start my new year by getting back into Sigur Rós and I also spent the whole first week of 2012 listening back to old Sigur Rós' songs and catching up with their new songs that I have missed.

I guess this is the most appropriate time for me to say that I just have the Ágætis byrjun of my new life.

Procrastination!

Hello fellas! All this while I've been keeping a folder of things I want to publish here in my blog and I just remembered to do so today. Haha what a procrastinator! Well this is basically a collection of photos I wanna share during my trip to KL a few weeks ago and some other random things and as usual, let the pictures do the talking starting from... NOW:

Probably the main reason I wanna go to KL. We don't have Domino's here in Sabah! :(

Just look at this yummy goodness. Dear lord how can anyone resist this?

Went to Al-Andalus. Look at that typo haha.

I don't really like how it taste like. BTW it's not an alcoholic beverage so keep your negative thoughts about me to yourself lol :P

And of course ini tidak boleh miss punya haha.

And loook what I found at Alamanda. THE CURE! I honestly thought that it would be impossible to find Cure stuffs here in Malaysia but I was dead wrong! :)

I found the place where Kurt Cobain resides. Nahh just kidding!

We also went to Bubbagump Shrimp Co. at The Curve. The foods are pricey I tell you! And look at what I've ordered that day, when I first saw it I was like "wtf man they use newspaper?" but then I examined the paper and it's not a newspaper at all, it's an oil-proof paper (or whatever you call it).

Just thought of snapping this picture because it reminds me of The Cure! You see, The Walk is one of The Cure songs and if you subtract v from The Curve and it would be The Cure The Walk written on the board! This would probably sound lame to non-Curefans haha I'm so sorry :)

Talking about The Cure, I just received my 7" The Cure vinyl the other day. Too bad I don't have a vinyl player I can't play the record but nvm, I just bought it for collection purpose. Furthermore the price is quite acceptable too. And it's an old-ass record just look at the artwork cover, and it smells old too but I like it a lot.

Random doodles on my hand. Close enough?

Okay lah I think that's about it. I'll keep on updating this blog from time to time, see ya!

Boredom strikes.

I'm still at work and oh God I'm so boredd! There's no one here but me and now I'm blasting my music to the fullest and of course there's a sing-along to it ;) So I've ransacked my phone pictures folder and I kinda found some things that I could share with you guys, though it's not necessary but what the hell right? 

Lately I have a new hobby which is online shopping. At first I don't put my trust on things like this but I can't help it, all the things I want are only available on the net (I blame eBay for this!). Online shopping is so convenient, you can get things you want that you never found in places near you and the price is much much much cheaper too! For instance, look at the picture below:

I got all of these sweet babies from the internet believe it or not! :) Okay you see the guitar picks over there, there's 10 of it, right? Guess how much did I pay for it? RM10? RM9? RM7? RM5? No no no! I only got all of them for RM1++, jimat kan? And then that laser pointer over there I only got it for RM1++ too and then that purple case for my BlackBerry I only got it for RM3. 

 (erhemm, ignore my face) I even got this red shirt from the internet ;)

Here's another pictures that I wanna show you guys, I'll just shove it all here and put captions to it and we're done okay?

Last 2 days me and my sisters went to Servay Likas and I spotted this near the biscuits section. What the hell is the purpose of this? Inside joke probably? Kinda creepy lol, "saya tahu" means "I know" in Malay :)

That's my cat Nando chilling near a busker dog whom we called Jiro (I feel like we own him now). Look at Nando, she just chill there as if Jiro won't have the guts to bite her. My mom said Nando have this evil look that no other animals dare to hurt her, I can't disagree to that xD

Here's our other cats. They love to hang around our neighbour's house they eventually became comfortable there and the consequence is...

...we have to cage them up every night because they've been leaving their "remnants" all over our neighbour's flower pots, nanti ada lagi "surat layang" kena kasi oleh jiran macam 3-4 tahun lalu. Semua pun kucing punya pasal la ni, nasib nda begaduh bha.

Well I guess that's it, I'm going home about 1 hour from now. Bye bey!

Weedy Burton :)

Hey. I'm at work now but there's not much to do so I'll blog today :) I'm really excited right now because next week me and my sister are going to KL again (booyah!) aaaand we're going to help my little sister who's taking her SPM exam right now to pack some of her things and bring it home with us. I have to save up some money if I want to enjoy myself to the fullest but apparently I've spent my money like crazy on foods especially. THAT has to be stopped. And what happened to my diet plan that I was blabbing about months ago, you ask? Well, faded away. I'm so sorry for myself that I never accomplish any diet plans that I've planned for myself since '03. 

Urmm... and last Tuesday I felt so happy yet disappointed too because I got the chance to call an (online) friend of mine, Filipe who went to The Cure's Reflections at Royal Albert Hall London and hear them playing for myself! I asked for help at cureconnections (it's a forum for The Cure fans) and he's the kindest one to offer to help me. When I called him I heard the audience, it's very loud it's almost sound unclear to me. It's very exciting, you know, it's like I can feel the audience's "excitement" aura or whatever you may call it. Unfortunately I only get to call him for about a minute and a half because of reasons. I don't know, probably DiGi's roaming line eff'd up during that time because Filipe tried to call me too but he can't reach me. When I called him I get to hear to The Weedy Burton. The basslines are so clear and it conduces my jolliness I just wish I was there at the moment! 

This is The Weedy Burton. It's a catchy song, give it a listen!

What Happened To Me Recently Part 2

I dyed my hair and this is the result:

And listening to Of Montreal songs makes me happy again.

BYE!

What Happened To Me Recently Part 1

Hi. I've planned to go out with my sister this evening but the heavy rain and strong wind ruined our plans so instead I locked up myself in my boonies and start blogging things (which I am doing right now lol). 

So today I went back to work after 3 days off to relax my mind after what happened. What happened, you ask? Well, last Monday there's this one arsehole guy came to my workplace and asked me for money. I recognized him because he came to the place I work around a month before and he even talked to me for awhile back then and told me his name. So, he came back last Monday and asked me for money and kept on insisting me but I said no a thousand times. He kept on persuading and insisting me to give him money he said RM3 pun jadi lah (what the hell) but I turned away and keep on ignoring him. Thank god there's this 2 Politeknik students came and then that asshole went away angrily. 

intermission...intermission...intermission

continue...continue...continue

I thought he won't have the pride to come to my workplace again but I am dead wrong. The next day, he came but thank God I've locked the door (as a safety precaution, which is a success). He keeps on sliding the door and slammed it and told me that he wanted to go inside to use the computer. I said "NO you can't, I am going out in a bit" and he went away. And I thought to myself, "Welp, this is crazy. He might come back tomorrow and tomorrow and the next day if I don't stop him. I got a bit scared that one day he might come and try to harm me so I decided to tell my boss and the security guards near to my workplace about it. I almost quit my job due to those negative thoughts and I even told my boss about it. He obviously don't want me to quit because he kinda counted on me for taking care of the place. What my boss did was he brought me to the nearest police station and filed a report regarding to that case. And I feel a bit relieved now. For the love of Robert Smith if that asshole ever come back again and try to harm me or threat me I will ferociously beat him with my bare hands. 

So, guys, I tell you what this is so uncool. You can't just simply go to people you barely know and simply ask them for money no matter how much of a broke-ass you are. This is insane, this is so so ultimately uncool. Please dear readers don't ever do this.

Plainsong.

I almost forgot that I own this place.

I don't know, I just... I've been experiencing with wild mood swings for the rest of my post-adolescence life. Sometimes I feel happily eager and cheery, sometimes I feel so irritated it irritates me so much that I want to hurt myself so badly and just cuss my heart out but I just couldn't do it. Most of the time I feel like I am living in a world filled with ugliness in every aspect and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I can pull the trigger if I want to, but something in me forbids me from doing so. I am still sane. I haven't lost my grip on reality. I'm trying to convince myself from day to day that I am just tired and I just need some rest and don't take life so hard and stop being so pessimistic. All my life that I have wasted was based on my sole thought of "I exist in this world, and that's it". I'm so tired of everything that happened around me, I'm so tired of all the dramas and unwanted faces and I'm so tired of feeling so miserable and hopeless. I'm so tired of being the loser, standing on the sideways watching people grabbing victory of life and surrounded with unlimited happiness which I can't seem to acquire. Sometimes I feel I should just lock myself up in my own house, away from everyone and away from every people who hurt me the most, who pretends to care about me and away from all the people who loves me, as if there is any. If I could i would just pack my things up and mortgage everything I have here and go far far away to other place. I just wish it is possible for me.

I Never Regretted My Taste In Music

I was bored just now I ransacked my old closet to dig up some classic memories of mine and I can gladly say I'm not disappointed. I found this four kind of shites chilling in there being awesome:

On the top with that matador kid on the cover is Mew - Frengers, on its bottom is Franz Ferdinand, next to it is Oasis and on its top is Franz Ferdinand (again).

And there's a heaps more there. I gazed at the artworks, the lyrics, how awesome it could be and then when I was gazing at this:

OAG - Satelit Ink. The last OAG album I purchased.

..and turned to this section: 

..I spotted this:

OAG credited The Cure as one of their inspirations. I've been a fan of OAG since 2002 and the only time I realized that OAG is inspired by The Cure is today. I feel so weak right now =.=" And no wonder OAG is so awesome back then, nowadays with their malay and too mainstream songs they sounds like shite. In fact they started to sound like shite after Naza and Alim left the band.

And I just had these sweethearts they tastes so awesome. Kinder Bueno is awesome :)