Plainsong.

I almost forgot that I own this place.

I don't know, I just... I've been experiencing with wild mood swings for the rest of my post-adolescence life. Sometimes I feel happily eager and cheery, sometimes I feel so irritated it irritates me so much that I want to hurt myself so badly and just cuss my heart out but I just couldn't do it. Most of the time I feel like I am living in a world filled with ugliness in every aspect and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I can pull the trigger if I want to, but something in me forbids me from doing so. I am still sane. I haven't lost my grip on reality. I'm trying to convince myself from day to day that I am just tired and I just need some rest and don't take life so hard and stop being so pessimistic. All my life that I have wasted was based on my sole thought of "I exist in this world, and that's it". I'm so tired of everything that happened around me, I'm so tired of all the dramas and unwanted faces and I'm so tired of feeling so miserable and hopeless. I'm so tired of being the loser, standing on the sideways watching people grabbing victory of life and surrounded with unlimited happiness which I can't seem to acquire. Sometimes I feel I should just lock myself up in my own house, away from everyone and away from every people who hurt me the most, who pretends to care about me and away from all the people who loves me, as if there is any. If I could i would just pack my things up and mortgage everything I have here and go far far away to other place. I just wish it is possible for me.